My son is now a big brother

My ex-husband welcomed another child to the world last weekend. My son is now a big brother. It's something I've known was coming since Christmas. It's something people don't talk about. 

I don't know why. I don't want to live a life unaffected. Journeying through as if major life events don't take my breath away, knock me to my knees, whimpering in bed at night. Life affects me.

I remember when David told me he was having another baby. It felt like a life sentence.  I remember abandoning prayers that although separated, our family unit would remain intact. I remember staying silent because it wasn't my story to tell. I remember wearing the narrative like a heavy coat.  

I cried. I was mad. Sad. Confused. Angry. 
Affected. Why don't people talk about this? 

Then one day I woke up at peace. I'm never afraid to do my work. To find the place where love abides.  I recognize that we are always, in all ways, healing. Yet this was something I didn't want to have to do. I shouldn't have to do this. Grace doesn't happen overnight.

I don't know why we don't talk about this.

I see the "likes" and "congratulations" and wonder if people have any idea what it takes to get here. If they have any idea the impact this has on a family.  

The deep feelings that the world, my world, looks past the affect life has on you. It's like we're all just trying to keep ourselves safe from the trueness of ourselves. Like if we can just look past the process of the journey we don't have to face that it exists. Don't look past my pain...see me in it. 

We welcomed a new life into our world last weekend. We are in love already and I want him to have a beautiful life.

Lunn Family vacay - 2016

Summer summer summertime! I realized coming to write this post that I hadn't written about our trip to Vegas at the beginning of the summer, so that will be to come.

What do you get when 13 people meet in Orlando to take the kiddos to Disney and Universal? Fun. 

At Christmas, my sister-in-love and I talked about spending Christmas 2016 at Disneyworld. Then, shortly after it was announced that my nephew's AAU tournament would be hosted in Orlando this summer. So we set our sights to all go down.

We rented a house from Home Away. It was located in a resort community. Well the initial house we rented had a bug infestation, but they made it right before we made it to town and moved us to another house, but once we got into town that house had no ac so they moved is to another. Two days in we discovered the hot water went out so they again moved us to another house but allowed us to keep the house we had, so I'm not sure I would recommend this particular company although they did make it right by us.

We were blessed because Dave's cousin JJ and his family were there and JJ is a great cook. We woke up to an amazing breakfast every morning, fried chicken, ribs, beans, the list goes on. Thanks JJ.

Renting a house and grocery shopping for 13 people is absolutely the way to go. I imagine we saved so much money by being able to eat two meals a day at home.

The house had s pool that the kids probably would have stayed in the entire week. So our first day was spent allowing the kids to jump in and allowing us adults time to catch up. 

The next day after everyone arrived, we went to Legoland. We got there pretty late and the Florida storm was rolling in so most of the rides were closed, but we still managed to have a great time.

I'm amazed by the level of detail at Legoland. We had a code to buy an adult ticket get a child ticket free. I think for the age of our kids, mine is 8, that's the only way I would suggest going. Maybe my opinion is skewed since we didn't ride many rides but it seemed more appropriate for smaller kids like my niece, age 3.

The next day was the big day. We were headed to Magic Kingdom. We woke up and started arranging to get tickets purchased. We headed to the park a littler after noon. It was hot but the magic was in the air!

Except for my kid. He just wanted to eat. He's my kid.

Before we figured out the FastPass system the kiddos waited in super long lines and we sat Now we will be FastPass pros the next time!

We had an amazing family vacation to Orlando and Disney World. What did you do exciting this summer?


By now you have probably heard that a student athlete from Stanford University was convicted on three counts of sexual assault for raping a  young woman, who was unconscious, behind a dumpster. The judge sentenced him to 6 months in jail stating "a prison sentence would have a severe impact on him. I think he will not be a danger to others.” The news of this story spread quickly and outrage has been heard loud and clear, including a petition for the judge to be recalled.

We should remain outraged at what happened at Stanford but we must also recognize that this story made national news and is being shared because we are more outraged about things that happen in elite spaces. These atrocities are   happening on a daily basis in our communities. Victims who know their perpetrators are not believed because surely they did something to make them believe they had given consent. Most cases of sexual assault are void of DNA evidence and aren't even forwarded for prosecution because of a lack of evidence and when they are , they are dismissed because it's he say/she say. Victims are silenced and told to not speak up and ruin their perpetrator's life. Juries don't believe rape can happen in the context of marriage. Children are found to be incredible witnesses. Judges believe prison time will have a severe impact on the perpetrator. I assure you. This is happening every. single. day.

The fervor about this case will die down. It will move to the back of our consciousness.

We shouldn't be ok with that. We should be angry and furious. We should also start making change. We should start saying "not my son, not my daughter". We should start saying we will no longer uphold rape culture. We should start by believing when a woman, man, boy or girl says someone hurt them. When you're at the bar with the fellas and they make a derogatory comment about a woman, call them out. Tell them that's not cool and you won't accept those kind of beliefs in your presence. Stop supporting artists whose work is misogynistic and portrays women as objects to be conquered and dominated. Then take it a step further and stop supporting those outlets that promote their message. Teach your kids about their bodies, about their natural sexual desires, about consent, that yes means yes and everything else is no, that consent is sexy and an absolute must. When they say they don't want to hug that uncle at the family reunion, respect their wishes. Stop telling girls if they had self worth this wouldn't happen to them and start teaching boys that girls are worthy of respect. Stop telling little boys to man up and to not act like a girl. Let kids be kids. Look out for each other. Don't stand by without acting when you have the feeling that something just isn't right.
By all means, don't rape

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