Queen Sugar Ep. 7 Recap - So this is what it looks like

Note: I am not going in the business of writing recaps. This episode requires some processing for me, so I'm writing to do just that.

If you haven't been watching the masterpiece that is Queen Sugar by Ava Duverney on OWN, you should start now. Whatever you are doing, leave work, take a break, sit down and watch.

Last week's episode opened with Charley laying in the chair and ottoman, motionless, emotionless, just laying there after learning the truth about her husband. I can't even describe the emotions I felt during this scene because I knew it. I've been there before. I was texting one of my girlfriends and she said "so this is what it looks like". That one image, with Charley laying there, barely moving, barely breathing, is familiar.  What Ava captured in art fully imitated life.

Then there was Ralph Angel. Gosh if I don't know that man. The man with so much bottled up inside. The man that finds his worth in his work yet nothing is really working. The man that expects everyone to give to him, do for him, trust him when he's done nothing to gain that trust in the first place. The man that would spend an afternoon with a random woman and miss out on the joy of seeing his son play. Jesus. I know that man.

As if my heart wasn't going through somersaults already, there's the closing with Aunt Violet and Hollywood.  So much in that scene.  I wanted so badly for Aunt Violet to believe Hollywood and trust him but I also understand how hurt she is and how quickly we move into operation protect our hearts.  I believe Hollywood is a good man that was trying to do the right thing but the answer to that situation just wasn't there. Not yet.

Chile I was emotionally spent after watching this episode. Lawd.

What are your thoughts? Are you a fan of Queen Sugar?

Deleting folks is absolutely self care

wasn't supposed to be on social media Saturday. It wasn't apart of my self care plan for the day. So my first mistake was I opened my Facebook app.  It was fine until I saw a post from a woman on my timeline, a Conservative Mormon, speaking in a bit abstract terms that felt too apologist of the recent videos that were released of Trump explaining how he sexually assaults women. I'm not one that has the ability to just keep scrolling when I see that happening.

Here's a bit of the conversation that ensued:

    Me: "Are we to ignore a racist, xenophobic, homophobic, ableist, misogynistic candidate as simply flawed?"

    Original Posters Response: "Both candidates are immoral. I have to dig through it and vote on the issues".

To which I literally laughed out loud.

Now enters the hetero-patriarchy.

       White man I do not know: "Wait, what? So what do you consider homophobic? A person that is against same sex marriage? What do you consider xenophobic? A person who wants to secure the borders"? "What do you consider misogynistic? Men talking like men talk"?

       Me: "Yep. I consider all of those things homophobic, xenophobic, and upholding rape culture".

       White man I do not know: "aww okay, that means I am all three also. Thanks for judging me :)".

Does anybody see where I judged him?  Ok. I didn't think so.

       Me: "You said it not me....:-)".

      White man I do not know: "No, you have some screwed up beliefs about men. But that is okay. I have three daughters and respect them 100 percent.  And I won't let them act like you. Because all you can do is blame men for this or that. Sad, very sad".

Really? You were able to gather all of that about me just from our brief exchange. 

      Me: " I sincerely pray no one ever speaks of your three daughters as Trump did of some other father's daughter".

     White man I do not know: "But see you assume there Niecy, that is the root of the problem."

End scene.
Except this is real like.
Still not sure what I assumed.

This exchange is an example of toxic masculinity. You saw it on full display at last night's debate. Women can't possibly speak up and out against the hetero-patriarchy that has ruled our lives without needing a man to come put us in our place. This man's argument made absolutely no sense yet he wanted me to know I'm a man hater (meaning I was challenging his limited definition of masculinity) and God forbid his three daughters turn out like me (even though he's upholding a culture that devalues them).

The number of conservative white men and women who feel this way astounds me. It actually leaves me not knowing where to begin the conversation. When simply speaking up is perceived as a threat to the values some hold true.

These conversations are happening every day.

I ended up deleting the original poster from my Facebook. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. It's necessary. I will no longer willingly allow people to make this type of assault against my personhood from behind a keyboard. Hitting unfriend is apart of my self care plan.

Some may not like my pointing out that the original poster is a Mormon or that I described the man as a white man I do not know, but that was absolutely intentional. If we don't name it we cannot confront it.  This is the second time I've deleted a Mormon woman from my friend's list for what I felt was an assault on my being. The first was a former friend from high school who posted a violent article against Black women saying if we cared about Black lives then we should stop killing our babies. Perhaps this kind of hetero-patriarchal conservative structure of the church is producing more hate and bias than love. I don't know because I've never desired to study the history of the religion but the interactions I've had around race and social justice with members of the church has left a bitter taste in my mouth. If this isn't the way of the church, then those within the church should be charged with addressing those promoting these destructive beliefs. 

How much longer can we continue to have these conversations before we realize our neighbors don't love us like they proclaim they do? The original poster kept saying how she respects my passion and that I'm a great mother. That really doesn't mean anything if you support a candidate who has literally endorsed violence against people who look like me and my son. This isn't about passion. It's personal. These are people's lives. You're worried about being pro-life but no one seems to care about the lives that are already here. One of my neighbors put a Trump sign in his yard with a sticky note that says "if I catch you messing with my sign I'll f you up". I've honestly told my son to cross the street when walking by that house. There goes the neighborhood. 

This is only one example. So many of you have shared the vile nature of speech coming across your timelines. A dear friend and ally was furious last night when an old friend of hers commented "a race war is imminent. White is right. Choose a side". 

At this point it's not about Republican versus  Democrat. It's about right versus wrong. If anything we should all be united in one cause - stopping Trump.

You don't need that negativity in your life. 

Delete delete delete.  Take care of yourself.



Colin Kaepernick is bae

I really don't need to say anymore.  

I've been saying people with a platform need to take a stand. I didn't want any Black athletes to travel to Rio for the olympics to represent the USA. I realize that is a big thing to ask. That is the dichotomy of being Black in America.  Black athletes representing a country and winning gold medals in the name of a country who doesn't fully see us. 

So Kaepernick gets all my love for taking a stand by taking his seat.  Personal protests have always been the catalyst for greater awareness and action. 

Let me tell you a quick story. This summer at our Scentsy convention, Orville gave a moving and authentic speech that touched on the current times. I could see how he genuinely felt about what he was saying. There was a moment where this quote by a Scentsy consultant's husband was placed on the screen. I realized when he said "he's Black", everyone remained seated, but when he said "and he's a cop" everyone stood up and clapped.  I've talked to others and they observed the same thing. 

My sister and I sat. I looked at her and said "I don't feel like standing up in my struggle". 

The reality is, I'm connected to a lot of the same people who were standing up around me on social media and they never say anything about what is happening to us. So while the moment absolutely felt genuine, it felt fleeting. So I sat. 

I've had people delete me on social media for "forcing racism down their throat", I've lost customers because I choose to speak up about injustice, I've had a church pastor call my speech "hate mail". I've seen as people not so subtly imply who they will vote for this election, someone whose speech and actions has offended every race and religion except one. 

We can't always be expected to stand in our struggle. Sometimes we just need to take a seat. 

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