Saturday, January 17, 2015

Let's be vulnerable



https://soundcloud.com/niecy-taylor/wednesday-05-06-pm

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

The reward

An acquaintance and I have been talking the past few months about relationships.  For the entire time I've known him he has warred between wanting the stability of a committed relationship and all that brings and being faithfully unfaithful to any woman he's ever dated.  A womanizer of sorts.

One night we were talking about women's expectations.  He was telling me that all he can do is be honest with people....women.  He seemed confused that even when he is honest with them, they still desire more from him.  I told him there's a difference between being honest and being right.  Just because you are being honest doesn't mean you're right.  I also told him that some women easily fall in love with the illusion of who he is.  He's a charmer. Attractive.  That's what they see.  Even though he's out with other women and is telling them so, they are still holding on to the illusion of who they believe he can be. 

We have these kind of conversations. He and I.

Fast forward a few months and I came across a picture of him obviously intoxicated grabbing a woman's behind.  It wasn't cute by any means.  I texted him the picture and told him he should be embarrassed...we're simply too old for this.  In case you didn't know, that's what you get when you deal with Niecy....honesty.  This recent conversation caused a falling out of sorts. He said he was being vulnerable with me and I used it against him  I told him I simply see right as right and wrong as wrong and I don't believe in sugarcoating the truth.  He told me he thought maybe I was jealous. I was nothing of the sorts. I just felt bad for him.

Once we finally got over the hurt feelings of me being honest with him,  I told him he really needs to check his character.  He told me he's honest about everything he is doing with everyone involved and that's the best he can do.  I told him he was wrong.  It doesn't matter the things we see it matters who you are. Period.

As the conversation progressed and I asked him why he doesn't just take a break from it all and do the work to be ok with himself, he told me that his current girlfriend has stuck it out with him, knows he's not ready to commit to just her, and for that he was going to reward her in 2015.  I laughed. Literally. Out loud.

I've talked about this before and if you've read my blog for anytime you know I have a BIG issue with this thought process.  How, after cheating on a woman and doing everything but committing and honoring her while you're dating, does putting a ring on it become her great reward?  How are you a reward if everyone in town has slept with you?

I was bothered.

I told him so.

Let me tell you. 

Fellas - you are NOT the reward. 

She is.

Proverbs 18:22

Now to my point of it all.  This thinking is damaging.  That all women want is to be married.  That we have lost the sense of our worth so much that we will settle for the man who instead of pursuing us and honoring us, will cheat and tell us so then put a ring on it as our reward.  I know...we as women have allowed this.  Have become the ride or die who will stick by these men until they are ready.  Where are the kings who understand that when they find a wife, she is good, and they receive favor from the Lord?  Where are the queens who understand finding you is a good thing?  If he won't honor you, respect you, and do right by you when ya'll are dating, guess what, the messiness doesn't just stop when he puts a ring on it.  I've worn that t-shirt.

When those words came out of his mouth I was shocked.  I still am as I write this.  Where did this thinking come from? What can we do to change it?  We have to know our worth, ladies and fellas, you have to understand that you are not the reward, she is.

Saturday, November 29, 2014

I'm pissed off


One day while shopping with one of my friends in high school, I discovered that she had a terrible habit of going into the dressing room at department stores and slipping the tags of designer clothes with clearance tags.  The day I learned that I was completely shocked. We both came from privileged families and never wanted for anything. Stealing was not something that ever crossed my mind. After I figured out what she was doing I never shopped with her again because I knew if she were ever caught, I would be the natural suspect. Surely the cute little blonde girl in her brand new sports car wouldn't be the one stealing. 

If she had been caught shoplifting no one would have ever called her a thug. 

So here we are. I was scrolling through Facebook yesterday taking a mental writing break and came across this post. It pissed me off, made me sad, hurt, confused the hell out of me because my only resolve was to think "you wouldn't understand." The response I received after that was filled with even more vitriol. 

"That was less of a statement and more of a fact. If you're going to rob a store and then assault a police officer, than you're a thug...period. If it walks like a thug, acts like a thug, and talks like a thug...then quack, it's a thug."

Pissed off. Sad. Hurt. Confused. What's left to say. She will never understand.

She'll never understand that at the age we met each other, I was smart enough to know that if me and one of my white friends were in the mall and my friend stole something, I'd most like get the blame. She'll never understand what it means to raise a little Black boy who may be called a "beast" just because of his skin and stature. She'll never know what it's like for little Black boy after little Black boy to be shot and killed in cold blooded murder and for their killers to get off without any consequence for the life they took because they were "scared" of our son's skin color. She'll never understand.

She'll never understand that her three little white boys will get a chance that our son's won't just because of the color of their skin.  That should they be pulled over by a cop, they won't immediately become a threat just because of the color of their skin. She'll never understand what it's like to know that my little Black boy is 21% more likely to be killed than her little white boys. She'll never understand what it's like to have a White friend call Black boys a thug. Then throw it around as if it justifies them being murdered. 

She'll never understand and she'll continue to justify her hurtful words without thinking twice of why it's not ok. 

That's the world my little brown boy is growing up in. 

I'm pissed off. 

I'll leave you with this well articulated response to another person's misguided ignorance of the facts. http://benotafraidoffear.tumblr.com/post/103724293886/mike-brown-wasnt-some-innocent-child-he-was-a

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Casual Saturdays


Busy weeks and busy weekends call for this mama to find a casual style that's comfy and chic. We're in the last of our soccer season with Munchkin playing in a tournament this weekend. Go Rebels!

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Survive


Over the past few weeks I've been doing a lot of surviving.   You know that moment when you know God is getting ready to propel you into something you were created for that's bigger than you could have ever imagined? The attack that comes with that is almost unbelievable. That's how I know God is at work.

The movie reel of every mistake I've ever made has been playing over and over. Of course I surrender it immediately, but gosh that glimpse can be hard to cope with. I'm so imperfect, y'all. I've made a lot of mistakes. A lot. I've lived imperfectly. It ain't always been pretty.

Last night in an argument, my ex-husband reminded me that during the height of our marriage falling apart I threatened to kill myself.  I have searched every inch of my memory to remember that and I can't recall it. I can't remember every saying that or in what moment I would say that but that's how dark it was.  Even though I can't remember it I don't dispute it. People don't realize how much despair one walks through when they are desperate.  I feel a need to share this in this moment because I honestly don't remember those words ever being spoken from my lips or those thoughts forming in my head, but I don't want to be that good Christian who is never honest about some of my darkest moments.  Who doesn't openly share the valleys I've been through and who sits on the mountain top looking down at those in the valley as if I've never been there.

I've been there ya'll.  

That's what this walk is about, isn't it?  To live through our valley moments so that when we do get to the mountain top we can use our testimony from the valley to encourage and inspire those living their own valley moments to just keep walking...keep living.  I remember when the Psalmist wrote "Come and hear, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me." Psalm 66:16.  There is full life ahead that is so grand you won't even remember just how much despair you really were in.  The dark comes to show us just how glorious the light is.

I loved the recent commentary that accompanied that scripture recently:

There is power in our stories. The account of a changed life can give a weary heart hope. You may think that you don’t know the Bible well enough, but we overcome the enemy by the blood of Jesus who forgives our sins, the power of our story and not shrinking back from telling that story. Being a witness is not being an expert; it is telling others what you have seen, felt and heard. We can all do that.
I wholeheartedly believe this. Even though I was reminded of these dark days in an attempt to hurt me, I'm grateful for the reminder.  I'm grateful to know that I have walked over glass and through fire but still smiled. We're all surviving something. 

I want to thank you for surviving.

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